So you know how they say -"you are what you love"? Today I realized how much I really love.... myself.

Really, I think I'm pretty great now that I think about it. And since I love myself.. and I am what I love... I..am..myself. That's neat.
And this led me to realize all the times when I don't love myself are when I am not being my usual me. It makes sense. Either I'm completely silly for just realizing this now or people don't think about this enough. I fully accept either possibility.

No one asks and I don't tell

I typed a lot about this.
and then I highlighted and deleted it all.
I hate talking about it. I want so badly for it to be erased from my mind. It's just stupid, and I'm stupid for letting it happen.
Two years later and it still lingers.
It had to be real if I'm feeling this way, right?
Heh. There's an ice box where my heart used to be. I'm so cold I'm so cold I'm so cold.
Fuck it.

Wow, I actually typed stuff.

Subject: My mind is fresh.

Date: 02 Apr 2007, 04:43

I really want to go out and do something. While waking up at 3 am is common for me, my mind being able to focus at this time on all other things and not a desire to go back to sleep is not. And it makes me wonder- are rapists/killers/psychopaths/cannibals REALLY awake at this hour with the thought of scoping out the streets for young, vulnerable girls to make Fourth Meal out of? It's not like I want to test my luck... Hell no. Lord knows I haven't got any. Ah, the time and date are wrong on my laptop again. According to it, it's 5:25 PM on the 2nd of January, 1601. I remember that year. Good year, wild times.


Monday, April 02, 2007

a collaboration/elaboration on "pumpkin spice"
Brittany birthed the idea... I'm elaborating.
Pumpkin spice, usually made available once a year, completely and for everyone and anyone, and with options, too. A mild latte, with added boldness of expresso if desired.. a solid but tasteful scone... a solid but soft muffin, with a sweetened cream cheese in the center. Yeah, they're there, they're different and willing to be taken by anyone who wishes to have them. People take notice but are quick to disregard. There are some who do try pumpkin spice, and it simply just isn't right for them, and that, one understands. And when the winter is over, pumpkin spice leaves. Secretly it's still there, available in certain places for certain people, but no one bothers to ask. Then spring comes... wait a minute- suddenly people miss pumpkin spice. Want pumpkin spice. Wish they took the opportunity to have more pumpkin spice when they could have. Sorry guys, guess you'll have to wait 'til it's seasonal again.

But it's secretly still there, available in certain places for certain people, but no one bothers to ask.

fuck you guys, i'm out.

5:06 AM